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what the hell is wrong w/me? what did i do that’s wrong? why is it me? i think you are afraid of your feelings and it’s easier to do it this way. i followed your lead and even did your bidding. for which i did take some wrath and it cost me a relationship. which you did nothing to change. there were other things; you said to ask anything and when i did you accused me of not trusting your judgement or taking that good a care of your mother, things you suspected your brothers thought, though i never did. i just wanted to know all what the doctors had to say and could do what they said could be. that’s how i know some if not most of this is not me. also because of you the next part which may be the hardest part may be what could be the straw…

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Words to Live by….

Don’t Lie

Don’t Cheat

Don’t Steal

Don’t Explain

 

4 simple commands that speak volumes.

 

heck if you add a couple of the commandents in:

do unto others (probably my fav because what this really means is treat others the way you wish to be treated)

do not kill

do not steal

and followed these as your life’s road map you would probably be an awesome person.

 

now, why can’t we all just get along?

Drink, Swear, Steal & Lie (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

 

 

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To complain is always nonacceptance of what is. It invariably carries an unconscious negative charge. When you complain, you make yourself into a victim. When you speak out, you are in power. So change the situation by taking action or by speaking out if necessary or possible; leave the situation or accept it. All else is madness.

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it’s easter, i should be cooking a ham, making a cake, visiting family.

instead, here i sit doing nothing, why?

and not just because it’s easter, i do this alot, why?

its easier to do this than risk having my feelings hurt.

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why i will never ever ever ever again internet date.

first there was the guy who said he was a fireman.  his pic was cute; so we emailed, then phoned. his voice didn’t make me think gay or just outright hang up when i heard it the 1st time. so after thinking what a hero he is (remember – fireman) for raising his children cause wifey left him w/the kiddies

ATTN Ladies – if you ever meet a man whose wife has left him w/the kids, RUN LIKE HELL the other way. she left him for a reason: he kept her locked in the house preggers w/no car/money; or he was a control freak that wouldn’t allow her to have a thought w/o his approval and checked on her 27 times a day; she was probably becoming a zombie to the point she even forgot how to answer how are you w/o checking w/him what the correct answer was supposed to be. or my fav reason: he couldn’t get it up or he liked to do the “weird” stuff (more on liked to do weird stuff later).

i digress; like i said, she left him for a reason. so, the fireman thing – yea he had 6 pics of himself in uniform; he was a volunteer for 6 mos 20 yrs ago. and when starts telling you on the 1st date about what a whore / slut, etc the ex is – he isn’t over her, the divorce or the fact he didn’t get his revenge yet. in btwn calling her not nice names, he is so nice to me – too nice; i am so beautiful. yea i am nice looking, pretty even, but i am not God’s gift to mankind – well actually i am, but i try not to advertise, i stopped bragging when i was like 14. anyway, guys that fall in love w/me after meeting me for the 1st time are so beyond losers i still don’t have a name for them. i mean for crying out loud, i didn’t even sleep w/him yet. those losers i can almost understand cause well, you know, i am that good. so we sorta started dating; he came over my house, i went to his parents when they were outta town and his kids were w/their mom. so he is already head over heels w/me and we haven’t slept together – yet.

i turn the corner to my street on a friday after a long week just wanting to relax and what do i see parked in front of my house? his car! how the f did he get in my f’ing house? that is just creepy, i mean, what has it been 2-3 weeks? he is in shorts and a t drinking a beer – the cheapest sold by the way (another clue i missed) sitting on MY couch relaxing. bfr i shout get the f out, he smiles and says i am so glad you gave me the key blah blah blah (i gave it to him the week bfr to put something in my garage for me and forgot to get it back). note to self, remember to get key back. i honestly don’t remember what we did that evening, but i do know that we didn’t go out anywhere. i am sure i cooked on the grill – i am sure it was my food too.

now we get to the bedroom. i have already figured out by this point he is a loser who has now disappointed:  his parents, his wife and her parents who he assumed would take care of the family’s financial obligations whenever he ran short (read: all the time). Now i know people shouldn’t be judged by the car they drive, but when a grown man is driving the Chevy version of a Yugo, uggghh. & o yeah his hobby was cb radio, not building them, that woulda been cool. no just being in his basement talking to people on it!

i know i am procrastinating, it’s on purpose. somehow we are on my bed w/our clothes off, and so far it’s all horrible. why do men think they need to camp out btwn your legs and give head for an hour? after 10 minutes all that tongue action can irritate my sensitive lady parts so that by the time we get to the main event, i am sore and not as into it as i wanna be. so, ok, he knew how to do it, just not when enough was enough. obviously later i figured out why he liked foreplay so much and only wanted to “please me”. so i let him know i was ready for him, i wanted it / him, now. i wasn’t demanding or overly eager, just ready. he did get it in, but it didn’t stay there for long. i had never experienced this bfr, so ok. i have him a hand and tried to get things going again. not sure how long i tried bfr i figured we weren’t gonna ever have intercourse. maybe when he tried going back down btwn my legs, which i stopped. i know he tried to explain the problem and even said it had always been like this – no wonder wifey left!  he left not too long after and that was the end of my pretend fireman and online dating – for a while.

you’ll have to wait for the next debacle….